colours

First of all I must make it clear that I am not from Ohio. I have, in fact, lived here for nearly three years, but the truth remains that I am not a native of these parts and am not responsible at all for certain aberrations regarding Ohio that will be set forth in this post.

I don’t want to completely ridicule Oh-i-o-ians, but to tell you the whole truth, there are a few luny habits and ideas that these people have. I’m not sure what degree of lunacy there actually is, so if you’re looking for a clinical label or other to somehow actually categorically place this luny-ness, you’d best look elsewhere. I’m not a Doctor or anything like that.

Really, the main issue with these people is their Sportual Psychosis. That’s not an actual clinical disorder, though it sounds like it should be. What I mean is that Oh-i-o-ians are overly obsessed with Sports, and perhaps even more disturbingly, have absolutely ridiculous and utterly nonsensical names for several of their teams. As of now, I don’t feel wholly qualified to examine the dreaded Buckeye disorder–I’ll leave that for a true expert. What I really want to look at is the strange phenomenon of the two sports teams with misnomers consisting entirely of a single colour. The Browns and the Reds.

Who ever thought of naming a team after a colour? At the least the St. Louis Blues are named after a colour related to music. But is Brown a kind of music, or anything else (for that matter)? What exactly is Red in reference to? Were these names chosen by a three-year old crayon-grasping toddler?

As you can obviously see (and you probably agree too), there really isn’t a sane or logical answer. Oh-i-o-ians are for the most part infected with collective Sportual Psychosis and lunacy is a real danger. Thank God I’m safe…for now.



*perhaps your spell-checker has informed you at times that “colour” is actually spelled COLOR. Your spell-checker is wrong.

10 Comments

  1. Dan Price
    Jan 12, 2005

    Here is why the Browns are named what they are named, I’m not saying it’s a good reason.

  2. Dan Price
    Jan 12, 2005

    “*perhaps your spell-checker has informed you at times that “colour” is actually spelled COLOR. Your spell-checker is wrong.”

    Aren’t you supposed to be a philosophy major? Neither are wrong. But I am begining to think that you really, really want to be Brittish.

  3. tim
    Jan 12, 2005

    you’re so perceptive… neither is wrong if your not “Brittish” with your philology :)

  4. elizerhardt
    Jan 13, 2005

    I second your observations, and, yes, the names were probably chosen by “CROWN-grasping” toddlers…hehehe.

    PS: I’m going to try and make britt have so much fun in these next two weeks that she might have to reconsider moving there… :(

  5. tim
    Jan 13, 2005

    GASP – you’ve told the world my embarrasing secret! (I’m crawling under my digital covers to hide now…)

    PS. I heard that the high in Minneapolis tomorrow is – 4 degrees…why don’t you and B. go for a nice walk outside? :)

  6. elizerhardt
    Jan 13, 2005

    haha…good idea! its actually suppossed to be..mm..roughly -20 degrees tomorrow. I think that would be a better day to do that. I’m sorry for revealing your innermost secrets.

  7. Ariel
    Jan 17, 2005

    So when are you taking on the Buckeye phenomenon? Who ever heard of naming a sports team after a grain? “Waving the wheat” is, of course, OK.

  8. Ariel
    Jan 19, 2005

    Hey Tim, in answer to your question, I’m going to Midwester Baptist Theological Seminary. Coming from GCM, the “Baptist” thing takes a little getting used to, but they are theologically sound. I realized I don’t know where you’re going these days – where ya at?

  9. poins
    Jan 20, 2005

    tim is attending MVNU – What is their team’s name? My question is, “Can you ever be completely sure that you got a good education from a Nazarene College?” Harry

  10. tim
    Jan 20, 2005

    Wow, two new commenters give this post a place in Infinite Regressive history. (Welcome!)

    Dad, perhaps the answer to your question is contained in the simple fact that I chose Mt. Vernon Naz. University by my own free will…

    Arie: I graduate in May with a degree in Philosophy. And, despite of the real existence of somewhat questionable theology, I have enjoyed my education.

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