Blackbeard

A pirate is running for Congress in Iowa.

Every day I fight the urge to drink, debauch women out of wed-lock and beat people on the street. One urge I do not have is to sell myself to the highest bidder. I see new accounts every day. These ‘men’ who sell their influence like common whores. Duke Cunningham and his bribe menu sound familiar? William Jefferson with $90.000 k in his freezer ring a bell?

I would have your wife right in front of you. I would smoke the last of your glaucoma medication. Then I will surely drink your liquor cabinet dry. However, know this my friend. I will never break an oath to uphold the public trust. My affidavit will be signed in my own blood. A Pirates crimson mark, with real binding effects into my after life. Laugh if you will then ask yourself if you could do it.

Feel free to add commentary…

2 Comments

  1. Ariel
    Sep 3, 2006

    Wow. Fresh gimmick, but I’m not sure it will work. I especially liked the line, “I will accept NO MONEY from ANYONE.” The site seems more like a movie trailer, complete with out-takes.

    Apparently I need to update your RSS feed, because the last several posts haven’t been arriving…

  2. tim
    Sep 7, 2006

    Yeah, I don’t think the gimmick will work at all; people who would vote for him are the sort of people who don’t vote, and I have feeling that his running for office won’t be enough to get them off the couch and down to the voting booth.

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