Use your Blinkers

My wife has a female coworker that is quite possibly one of the worst drivers of all time; she drives everywhere at high rates of speed and has been in close to 10 accidents–and she’s never suffered a debilitating injury! She must also have incredible luck. This may be due to the fact that she goes through a ritualistic “blessing” process with a Buddhist monk whenever she gets a new car. “I think they tie a bunch of strings to it (the car) and say some sort of blessing,” explained my wife. “They use strings a lot.”

I don’t know much about the power of Buddhist Blessing Strings, but I do know that the road is often a place of warfare–spiritual or otherwise. Perhaps that is why an obscure religious office has stepped up to the plate about what they think Jesus would do in the fast lane.

The “Vatican’s office for migrants and itinerant people” on Tuesday “issued a ‘Ten Commandments’ for motorists to keep them on the road to salvation, warning drivers against the sins of road rage, abuse of alcohol or even simple rudeness.”

The unusual document…warned that automobiles can be “an occasion of sin” — particularly when used to make a dangerous passing maneuver or when used by prostitutes and their clients.

And it suggested prayer might come in handy — performing the sign of the cross before starting off and saying the rosary along the way. The rosary was particularly well-suited to recitation by all in the car, it said, since its “rhythm and gentle repetition does not distract the driver’s attention.”

And you thought having a giant fish on the back of your car was enough…

He noted that the Bible was full of people on the move, including Mary and Joseph, the parents of Jesus — and that his office is tasked with dealing with all “itinerant” people on the roads — from refugees to prostitutes, truck drivers and the homeless.

Insert cheesy joke –> Q: What kind of car did Jesus and His disciples drive? A: A Honda (and they were with one Accord…).

The document, “Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road,” extols the benefits of driving — family outings, getting the sick to the hospital, allowing people to get to work and seeing other cultures.

But it laments a host of ills associated with automobiles: Drivers use their cars to show off; driving “provides an easy opportunity to dominate others” by speeding; and drivers can kill themselves and others if they drink, use drugs or fall asleep at the wheel.

It warned about the effects of road rage, saying driving can bring out “primitive” behavior in motorists, including “impoliteness, rude gestures, cursing, blasphemy, loss of sense of responsibility or deliberate infringement of the highway code.”

This all well and good, but what, exactly, are the Ten Commandments of Highway?

1. You shall not kill.

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

7. Support the families of accident victims.

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

10. Feel responsible toward others.

Back in college I had to commute quite a ways along a narrow country highway to get to school. Many times I wished that I could have anti-car rockets installed in my vehicle that would, at a push of a button, blast slow-moving vehicles out of my path. Talk about an “occasion to sin!” But seriously, I’m glad someone in the Vatican is concerned about this, from my experience many of you are in desperate need of these guidelines!